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Thursday, June 2, 2016

Thoughts on Another Baby..

So I started on this post 2 months ago and never finished it. This is where I was at the moment. I seriously was ready to have another one like yesterday..

Yes I know.. my boys are only 6 months old but I can't help but wonder if our little family is complete. My Hubs is totally adamant that we are dunzo. I mean I did agree when we FINALLY had a viable pregnancy that this was it. I did agree especially after twins that we would definitely be done. I didn't want to put myself through all that heartbreak and stress again. Well friends.. now I'm just not so sure. Once I held those sweet little faces, everything was totally worth it! So much that you forget all the pain and suffering and just remember that amazing feeling. I still-- hold those sometimes screaming babies and I think- How did I get this lucky? And somehow I have this wondering feeling of.. what about one more?! I'm not saying my boys aren't amazing. They are my greatest, best, miracles from God! No doubt. I'm not saying they don't make me feel like a complete Mommy but I'm just sure I want to be done with a sweet baby. They are growing WAY too fast! Maybe it's just me longing to keep them babies. Maybe it's just me loving the baby stage and already mourning 6 months gone but friends.. I'm thinking hard about this.

Now I'm 8 months removed and slightly different. I still wonder if our family is complete. I ALWAYS said I wanted two babies. I completely agreed that we would not have any more when finding out we were having twins. I think part of my longing is because my delivery was such a haze. I don't remember holding my babies for the first time or getting much time with them. Breast feeding didn't go as I had hoped because my body lost so much blood it just couldn't produce. Part of me feels like I lost so much precious time that I will never get back. My boys are all I ever could have dreamed of and I'm so grateful for them. I think I'm FINALLY seeing that it's not necessarily another baby I'm wanting is that I'm longing for the time I missed out on. I can't change the past but I can savor every precious moment with my babies that I can. I still don't take as many pictures I sometimes wish but I definitely live in the moments so that's all I can ask for. I've decided I won't be running to my doctor asking for IUI's or tests. I won't be trying but if God decides it's in his plan.. I won't be upset. I will be overly grateful for his wonderful gift. If it doesn't happen.. it's just not his plan and I finally THINK I'm ok with that. I may change my mind in 2 more months..:) We shall see!

grab button for Sparkles and Lattes

Thoughts for Thursday

Linking up with Annie and Natalie.

1 comment:

  1. This speaks volumes to me. I go back and forth on wanting another baby or not too. I had a very traumatic birth and cry when I think about it. But I got two amazing miracles and that is what matters. I mourn the fact I didn't get a vaginal birth, nor did I get to hold them right after they were born, I was really out of it from losing so much blood and the recovery was tough. I went all the way to a 9 1/2 cm before they had me do an emergency c-section and I still can't get over it. I almost died on the operating table and I still can't get over that. But I do want another pregnancy and child some days. Others I don't. Thanks for writing what I think about daily.